did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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