hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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