she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
