I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
well you can't waste a boner
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
