Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
