if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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