You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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