OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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