I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
