Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
