'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
