your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
