One girl and one boy is just not enough.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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