The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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