I hate all girls vehemently.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
