im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
