I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
