Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
