***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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