i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I skipped work to stalk him.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
