Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You're so nebulous sometimes
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
