I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize