my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
