so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
