I've blown a few things in my day
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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