YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
