I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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