I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
