I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
