our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
