That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
