I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
