god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
