I didn't shave. On purpose
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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