There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
