It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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