that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
