Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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