You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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