Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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