i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dick very happy bro
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
