Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
