I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
