she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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