I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
