how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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