he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
