you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
