I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
