Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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