Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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