this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
