Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have demons in me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
