I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you had me at cake vodka
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
