Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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