Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
